My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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