There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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