evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
