Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
