Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
