Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
