I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm going to jail i love you
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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