he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
