There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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