Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
