Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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