Already got asked if we're dating
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
