i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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