I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
