There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
