i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
