census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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