Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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