My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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