I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
