Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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