Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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