wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
