I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
