You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
