yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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