dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
