i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
