Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
