If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
