1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
