I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
