You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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