Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
