i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
there is glitter all over my balls
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
