If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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