Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
