just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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