Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
