The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
