fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
