Plan B is the new Plan A
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
