Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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