hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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