I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize