I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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