Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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