So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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