If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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