I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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