Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize