She announced her abortion via fbk
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
