Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
