Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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