Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
