I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
