I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
