I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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