she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
