i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize