I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
It was confusing and full of hummus
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
