i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
