he shaved USA in his pubs
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
