dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize