I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I will pee on everything he values.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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