On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
