I CAN MOONWALK!
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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