he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
So much Jack, so little girl.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
